The Man... My Man... Beauty Man

Pre-Post Note:
I'm getting better... And today is a Monday, too!  :)

So, I was thinking about what I'd like to know next if I was you.  Maybe we're totally different, which is completely possible and even likely, in which case this post may be TOTALLY un-interesting to you.  But if I were reading along here instead of writing, I'd want to know more about the guy I have been and will be talking about.

My husband.  You already know we met online.  It's been a few years now.  Long enough for us to have four children, the youngest of whom is right around a year old.

He's a few years younger than me, but had done more in his life when we met than I could imagine.  I figured that made up for the few years difference.  Maybe.  Maybe not.

He has light brown hair, green eyes, which are actually green and not hazel.  He weighs around 150 pounds, stands just under 6 feet tall and IS as thin as that sounds.  Once, he started to take on some weight.  The main way I could tell is that his belly button became slightly more than just a depression in his belly region.  There was actually a dip and enough of a depression to catch a good bunch of lint each day.  Ha!  The only time I can ever remember seeing the deepest part of my belly button is during the last month of pregnancy... and not even every one of those!  HA!

My husband is handsome... really, actually... he is a beautiful man.  This is where the name I use, Beauty Man, instead of his real one, comes from.  He has a James Dean-ish* look.  His nose (and I never really noticed noses, except for my own, before I met him) is perfectly straight, smooth, slightly slender, but not too narrow and makes me think of a "Roman Nose," though I've never been completely sure what THAT looks like!  My husband had a nice "V" shaped bod when we met.  Not now.  Not that I'm bothered, really.  Heck, I was a size 9 when we met and more like a 24now.  Seriously.  But he DID look GOOD with those well developed lats and pecs!  :)  He still looks good... but you know what I mean, right?

One thing I noticed and loved from REALLY early on is his crinkley-eyes.  He was 20 when we met (turned 21 before we met in person).  But even so, he had a whole bunch of crinkles right at the temples when he'd smile.  I've always thought those smile-eye wrinkles were among his most beautiful physical features.

He's got skinny legs.

He's hairy, but not sweater-hairy.  At least, not yet.  ;)  It seems, since we've met, the hair is multiplying and spreading at an exponentially increasing rate.  He hasn't lost any off his head, so it's not migrating, but he has more now in the funny shaped patch above his butt, on the top of his upper arms, in and on his ears, and on hisshoulders than he ever did when we first met.  Funny how that heppens, huh?

He's very strong.  He doesn't look like he could lift as much as he can.  He was still able to pick me up when I was 200 pounds.  I won't let him try anymore.  I bet he could, but I'm afraid it would hurt him.

He smokes.  He is not a member of my church.  He and I don't have many (if any) of the same interests or hobbies.  I know many of our temporal goals aline, but I don't think our Spiritual goals mesh... if he has any of those at all.

He is a Chef.  He was in the Navy when we met, got out and went to Culinary School.  Now he's a Chef.  He hates it.  He hates the industry and the caliber of people he is most often in contact with as a result of his employ.  He works way too many house for a little salary.  Salary.  It's rough.  Thankfully he IS employed and THANKFULLY, he keeps doing it.  He is, after-all, the primary breadwinner in this family!  I hope one day, that the things I can do from home will supply all our needs and he'll be able to work 'cause he wants to, or go back to school, or work the businesses I'm trying to grow.  A girl; even a Monster Girl, can dream, can't she?!  :)


*James Dean Pictures that look like Beauty Man to me

Yes, Beauty Man does wear glasses, though his look a bit different than those in the picture.  And, as I mentioned, he does smoke.  :-p  Beauty Man is aptly named, don't you think so?

The Next Question

I'm sure it has everything to do with the way I think and process my world, but if I was a reader of a blog like this and read the last post, I'd want to know what the author of it DOES look like.  So, I imagine a question a little something like, "You're not a hot Mama, so what DO you look like?  Tell me something about who you ARE, not just who you are NOT."

I'm nobody special.  You know the girl.  I could be the one everyone knows, but nobody REALLY knows.  I may be the girl on the back row in Relief Society or Sunday School, quiet, looking slightly (or a lot) scared... who nobody knows.  Either way, I bet you can guess:  I feel like nobody really knows me.  Mayeb everybody feels this way!  I only know how I feel and I definitely feel like nobody REALLY knows me... or cares to try to REALLY get to know me.

Yes, I do realize that this is partially my fault.  Truly I do.  But when you realize you cannot trust your husband... because he lies to your face... or yells accusations at you about the kind of person he perceives you to be after all the years of your marriage... and you've known him (and thought he knew you) longer than anybody - except your Mom (and maybe Dad and/or siblings)...  Well, probably YOU are a better and stronger person than ME.  But as for me... well, I stopped being able to freely trust others when I found out my husband had lied bald-faced lies to my face regularly... and for multiple years (when I first found out, the lies had been fed me for at least 3 years!).

Lies are a really big deal to me.  I consider myself both a truth seeker AND a truth speaker.  A bit like Nephi (the first one).  In case you've never read the Book of Mormon, I recommend reading through the first two books, at least, to understand what I'm talking about.  This is a character trait I've liked about myself.  So... it's been difficult to feel mistrustful of others and not be as bold or FULLY honest as I used to be.  I don't lie striaght out lies.  But I have begun to leave things out.  Lies of omission are still lies, my friend.  So, I'm becomming a lying sinner.  :(  I know I was always a sinner... but lies!??  grrrr...

Back to the question... more directly:  I'm 5'2" tall.  I'm right around 250 pounds fluffy.  I haven't stepped on the scale recently, though... I'm afraid to see what the actual reading is!  I have long brown hair shot through with increasingly thick streaks of gray.  Someone recently-ish told me that they thought it was blonde (the streaks).  I'm not sure they were being truthful because I could perceive that they WERE trying to be kind.  Too bad the two don't usually walk hand in hand!

My eyes are blue.  Although I'm sure it's a pretty blue, it's not a remarkable blue.  Most people don't realize I have blue eyesuntil they look upon my children and wonderf where their strikingly beautiful eyes come from.  Well, since Beauty Man's eyes are green... blue wins out most (if not all) of the time.  So far, blue has won out every time in our progeny.  :)

Thankfully, though I am a chubbly monster girl, I'm fluffy in a relatively well-proportioned way.  Thank God for small mercies, right!?  The fatness on me is not the sort of firm kind some chubby girls have.  It's jello-ey like gross-ness.  I told you I was monsterous by "American Beauty" standards.  My husband is about 100 pounds lighter than e... but way heavier in sins of omission AND comission than me.  I think I try to eat his hiding... anyway... back to me and how I look.

I have oversized hands and feet.  My hands are actually the same size as my husband's; only fatter.  Additionally, my chubby, oversized mannish-hands just don't move as gracefully or beautifully as my Beauty Man's.  My feet are a size 10 wide (women's, thankfully).  Oh... and I have high arches!  Talk about di-i-fficult to find comfy shoes!!  It's far more fitting as Monster Girl to wear comfortable shoes.  I do wear flip-flops as much as possible.  No worries about stuffing fluffy feet into too tight shoes if the shoes are flip-flops!  :)  Yes, I do wear them in the winter - mostly.  Every once in a while it does get too cold and I wear my other pair of shoes.  I prefer, though, bare feet most of all!  ^_^

I also prefer comfy clothes.  Modest, too.  I feel SUPER strange if someone compliments my attire.  I'd rather hide by my clothes and stick out by my pleasant countenance and kindnesses.  But that's just me.

I don't do my nails.  In fact, I keep them short enough that I've been mistaken for a pianist, guitarist, and/or artist.  Oh... I wish on that last one... the first, too, really... but the last most of all!

I don't wear make-up.  I don't wear jewelry.  I'll tell you about my jewels later.  :)  I wear skirts and blouses.  I would wear dresses if I wasn't nursing, but I hope to be nursing for some time yet - whether my current baby or the next.  At least, I hope there will be a next!  Oh, how I hope!  I feel like I know them... the babies "missing" as yet.  Oh, how I hope for them... but that, too, is a story for another time.  :)

Given this self-description, you might think that I don't like me.  Before the most recent horrible "earthquake" in my marriage, I was atually quite happy with me.  Mostly.  I mean, I was still working out some of the pain left over from the shock of the negative confrontation that was biggest prior to the most recent one... but I had definitely reached a place of acceptance and even quite a lot of peace and even some happiness in and with myself.  You might also suggest that my self-image is a result of the depression I'm working to come out of right now.  You may be on to something in that.  It sure is amazing what catastrophic damage I've allowed the tumult in my marriage to cause in my heart!  :(

As ever... if you know who I am... shhhh... I'd like my identity to stay between you and me!