I haven't had the question yet (I don't think anyone knows I'm here), but I imagine it'll come, so I'm going to just go ahead and tell ya so you don't have to ask. The question I've imagined goes a little something like this: "Why are you called Monster Girl?"
Honestly, it has everything to do with one of those hopes... or beliefs... that died. I'll give the details on THAT and then link back here later. Suffice it to say that since the most recent and really very gorey death, I've felt like a horrible, ugly, shameful monster. Yes, I DO, in fact, know that these feelings have been inspired by the enemy of my soul. I know this intellectually. The truth definitely has NOT sunk down to my heart yet, though!
Compared to the American ideal of beauty, I am rather monsterous, really. You may disagree if you could see me. But since you can't and won't.... probably ever... well, you'll just have to trust me on this. I don't look like a hottie. I'm not sexy. I'm definitely NOT "One Hot Mama." I'm nobody's (no, not even my husband's) idea of any kind of pin-up girl. I'm just not.
I am easy to get along with... for most people. Not my husband (obviously - else this blog would never have come into my life as a sweet secret and lifeline out of depression).
By-the-way... did I mention that as soon as I woke from the nap I took right after I had this idea, I felt like a switch... like a light switch had been flicked on? It's true. I felt excited and purposeful. It felt really rather strange to feel so very "done" with depression as I felt then. I got up quickly (not my normal mode since that episode of depression hit), got dressed, got kiddos moving and we went out for only the second time in weeks - except for Sunday services at church. Those don't really count as "going out," though. So, I feel wonderful! I'm so glad to have this new place to meet Sisters in this fire*!
Remember: shhhh, don't tell anyone who I am if you think you know or you Do know! Please. :)
*Malachi 3:2 But who may abide the day of his coming? and who shall stand when he appeareth? for he is like a refiner's fire, and like fullers’ soap:
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